I was personally terrified to go to my first Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy appointment and I am a Physical Therapist. I wrote this article to share my experience so others wouldn’t feel the fear I felt.
I was terrified to go to my first women’s health pelvic floor physical therapy appointment, and i am a physical therapist..
I’m a Physical Therapist, so when I started peeing my pants I knew better. I knew it was called urinary urgency and that having to do the potty dance so bad that you actually pee on yourself as you’re sitting down on the toilet isn’t how your urinary system is supposed to work.
Yet, there’s this thing that happens, even to those who know better. We rationalize it. It was “only that one time,” or “I’m just really stressed right now, when things calm down it’ll go away.” But it doesn’t, not always and then we’re left holding an even worse case of pelvic floor dysfunction than we had when it first started, if only, we knew or (in my case) were brave enough to ask for help.
I wrote a post on facebook back in June after peeing my pants at my yearly coach conference. It was one of the worse episodes I’ve had, enough where I had to wrap my sweatshirt around my waist to make it look like I was just bringing back a super cool 90’s trend, not covering up the wet spot on my shorts. Thankfully, I was wearing super thin short fabric that dried super fast, but realistically that isn’t always the case. The post came, after one of the presenters challenged us coaches to get REALLY vulnerable. They asked, “what is something that you’re ashamed of, terrified of, or feel like no one will relate to? write about that.”
I didn’t think anyone would relate to me. I’m not a mom, haven’t gone through childbirth or a c-section, and in all reality I’m not the common face of pelvic floor dysfunction. I am an athlete though, a high achiever, someone who is borderline type A overload & cannot rest or sit still for fear of her life literally falling apart if she doesn’t keep moving. I’m that girl, the one who pushes emotions down, doesn’t ask for help, and feels like she can be “the strong one,” the “one that can do it all.” And it’s making me pee my pants.
I have my first Women’s Health Physical Therapy appointment today. I’m writing this blog post before work, because I avoided all day yesterday (Sunday). In all honesty, this journey is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I feel like my vulnerability is causing my fight or flight system to literally go into over-drive. And while the words flow out of my fingers like they’ve been reaching for this space to be told, my insides are stuck between trying to push tears out of my eyeballs and holding my breath.
I filled out the intake paperwork, which included the Australian Pelvic Floor Questionnaire. It was eye openingly terrifying, because it points out all the places where your body isn’t working the way it should. But goodness is it complete. Going in, it felt like I had a tight pelvic floor (certain sexual positions weren’t always comfortable, tightness in my hips, difficulty contracting my TrA or deep abs), but I though it was always just the front side (urinary) after filling out the questionaire, it seems like both side might be involved (which is scary).
In the periods of time where I’m not terrified, my scientific PT brain is so curious to learn, listen, and ask all the questions, not just for myself but for friends who I know are experiencing much worse symptoms than me. I am so proud of myself for making this appointment, with a PT classmate’s co-worker. One of the reasons I think I actually made the appointment, was that I trust Brian and Brian trusts Amanda (the PT I’m going to). I needed THEIR trust, because right now, mine is lost in a sea of terror.
In the end, I suppose I want you to know, that if you’re considering getting help with your pelvic floor dysfunction (urinary urgency, incontinence, pain with intercourse, organ prolapse, bowel prolapse, etc) I want you to know it’s okay to be terrified. Find someone to help you whom you trust and if you don’t have anyone you trust, ask around until you find someone who trusts someone and go to them. The American Physical Therapy Association also has a search function here if you need a place to start. Talking, asking questions, researching are all great steps toward making your own appointment.
I’m hoping, tonight I can write another blog post filled with honesty & hope that it was worth it, because the moment before the first step is truly the scariest & most worthwhile <3
update: click here to read how my first pelvic floor physical therapy appointment went (spoiler: it was brilliantly peaceful and way better than any gyno appointment I’ve ever had!).
Lauren
