Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy can be a sensitive subject. Here is my experience with my first pelvic floor physical therapy appointment for pelvic floor tightness and urinary incontinence that I couldn’t blame on having babies because I haven’t had any.
I went to my first women’s health pelvic floor physical therapy appointment and here’s what it was like..
I felt nauseous all day after writing my first blog post about my upcoming women’s health physical therapy appointment on Monday evening. It was at 5:30pm and so that left approximately ten(ish) hours of feeling seen, vulnerable, and afraid.
I’m learning it’s not just the fact that my sexual & private area organs need help that I cannot take care of on my own that causes the discomfort, it’s mixed with some weird form of SHAME. I put that word in all caps, because it’s a violent word in the feminine language. It’s a word that may make you want to click off this blog right now, for the sake of your soul though, please don’t.
I’m not stranger to trying to avoid discomfort. In fact, I’m the girl who when watching a rom com and the lead character is going to do something that you KNOW is going to ruin her relationship, life, friendship, etc … I’m the girl who actually has to turn the tv off for a minute and gather herself (or cover her eyes for prolonged periods of time if watching with someone else).
So when it comes to personal experiences & my own shame gremlins, well I’m not that well adept at shining light on them. It’s why I procrastinated writing the first blog post, why I’ve had this blog/website for two years and am just now sharing my story. Yet, I’m winning the war even if each day is a battle toward uncovering the more authentic version of myself. Against it all, I’m making a choice to be seen in words & pictures & stories.
I was a hot mess all day at work, I texted my best PT friend all day who also happens to be a women’s health therapist and encouraged me to make an appointment at the beginning of this year. I plyed myself from the bathroom when I really wanted to just stay in there for hours, safe by four walls, unable to be seen. I tried to make eye contact and smile, although I didn’t have it in me most of the time. Those shame gremlins tried hard to control me, but I was still going to that appointment. I listened to, “The Power of Vulnerability,” on audiobook by Brené Brown and shed a few tears driving from school to school. Those tears lifted the heavy weight I had been carrying and unsure of how to get rid of.
My appointment came at 5:30pm and I only got semi-lost once. Amanda was warm and confident and explained everything to me upfront. She gave me the power to control the evaluation, which I needed. I opted for the external and internal exam, I wanted as much information as possible. By the time we got to the internal exam, I was comfortable and no longer worried. I was actually more curious than anything about what she was finding.
In my case, one of the muscles that functions to help the urethra contract isn’t firing at all, which causes the other one to do all the work. My deep layers of my pelvic floor have at least three knots in them, which felt slightly uncomfortable to be pushed on, but they were only pushed on briefly to gather information, so it didn’t cause any remaining pain. I have a really hard time relaxing my pelvic floor and it stays at about a level 3 instead of ground floor level of relaxation, this makes it so the muscles don’t function through their full range. My tailbone and sacrum could use a good joint stretching since they don’t move that well, which further impact my tightness. My bladder doesn’t move side to side in equal amounts, showing that it’s bound down in some areas, which we can fix (yay!). In fact, all my issues are “fixable,” if you will, with some work on my part, and some manual therapy and education from Amanda’s.
I was given a piriformis and obturator internis stretch (both in sitting) since those muscles also work in coordination with my pelvic floor. I’m going to do them twice a day for 30 seconds each side. My other homework is to do a pelvic floor contraction (kegal) when feeling the urge to go and to try to pull my pants down slowly and controlled to turn the tide from my bladder controlling me to me controlling my bladder. This is to increase my “bladder fullness tolerance level,” which is an imaginary line that each person has and it can be changed! I’m also to do a pelvic floor contraction if I have the urge to go when I’m sleeping, because “anyone under 60 should not have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night,” saaaaay what? mind blown.
Last night, I was able to keep the urge to pee off x2 while sleeping, but by the third time I think I was more annoyed than anything and went. The stretches are simple and straight forward. This morning, I feel freer with more hope than I’ve had for a long time. Writing my story, while uncomfortable at first, is something I’m the most proud of.
This journey is sacred because it’s one we’re having that deals with shame and guilt and fear and a lot of “I am not enough,” in the strangest way possible. I’m still figuring out how all the puzzle pieces come together. What I do know, is spending the time to turn each puzzle piece, look at it closely, decide to put one down to pick another up, and to try again until the picture starts becoming clearer, it’s what makes this journey more about healing a person than it ever was about healing a few muscles.
<3 Lauren
